Unwind your Mind.....

I am at SWANWICK WRITERS' SUMMER SCHOOL.  If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter you will know.   You might ask what my title of this blog is about and how I achieved it when so much is buzzing through my head about what I could and want to write about, how and when I will do it, etc. etc.  You may also wonder what this has to do with writing - well it has to do with everything we do in life.  We are usually so busy that we don't notice things, we loose touch with the world around and within, we cram stress upon stress until our body tells us to stop.

Unwind your Mind sessions are being led by Zana Lamont, a Scottish lady who works in the Health Service. 

I have done some Thai Chi in the past, I have listened to meditative music, I have had massages where a little bell is sounded at the end to bring me out of the totally relaxed state and into the present and I was intrigued to learn more about Mindfulness.

The experience was truly wonderful and tears dripped from my eyes and later posed me the question - Why did I cry?  This blog is my answer.

I think the droplets of water that rolled down my cheeks were an automatic bodily response to 'coming back to who I truly am'.  It happens whenever I see a beautiful sunset over the ocean or watching a touching love scene on television or at the cinema; seeing or reading about great suffering or how wicked the world can be or how strong someone has been to overcome a great hardship.  My eyes just leak in response.  It has happened too when I am happy, sad, frustrated, angry, amazed, awestruck etc.

Being in the chapel on site for the Mindfulness/Thai Chi class I chose to remain seated whilst everyone else stood (I knew I had to protect my middle as I await a gallbladder removal operation).  So a bit of the tears were probably, at first, a little self-pity that I couldn't fully participate and that's OK because that is self-compassion.

Silence in a group of strangers, and yet people who I have things in common with, is very comforting.  CPD in my profession was mostly a good experience - a time to 'check in', be heard and accepted, a time to be real and honest.  Far too often we say "I'm OK" or "I'm fine" or "not too bad under the circumstances" in response to being asked how we are, when actually we feel crap but are either fed up with hearing our own moans or think others don't really want to know.

Put me in a place where spirituality is usually expressed and I immediately 'touch base' with myself.  I miss my inner Susan and when she returns, so unexpectedly sometimes, I well up and the eye droplets overflow.  I don't care who sees me but actually no-one is looking at me because they are all dealing with their own stuff in the moment.  We all have our own private space.

The slow movement of Thai Chi not only moves muscles, limbs, internal organs and brain in flowing rhythms but something 'shifts' within me.  As I concentrate on the movements and feel the space around me and the ground (and my chair) supporting me, my gratitude of being alive overwhelms me.  It is very similar to the feeling when I enter a warm swimming pool and immerse myself in water - perhaps this is my earliest memory of being in my mother's womb comforted by the amniotic fluid around me.  Perhaps entering a spiritual place is like going back in time before I was even an embryo.  I am in another place, another realm, a perfect world where love, safety, happiness is.  There, in that place/realm, there is no hurt, pain, disappointment.  The only place that I can vaguely comprehend a likeness to is what I believe heaven to be like.  Perhaps you call it Nevada, infinity or some other perfect place word.  Although I believe I will one day dwell in heaven full time I don't want that day to be today but it is wonderful to have a glimpse of it, a reminder of my destination after this journey of life.

A sunset can remind us of what a wonderful universe we live in despite terrorism, politics, poverty and injustice - it is still a beautiful world.

The music of meditations aids me to my heaven place too.  It evokes a 'calling' to my soul - God is with me and it is wonderful to be back in His presence.  (For those who don't believe in God read Higher Power or whatever name you give your deity).  I offer no resistance and welcome the contact again, being aware how it has been far too long since I was in this place last (not the building or the room but the out of body place if you like).   It is not a Sunday morning in church sort of feeling; its not a five minute time of peace and quite at home or in a special place; its deeper, a sacred space.

My tears wash away the grime of negative thoughts; they cleanse my soul for the next part of my journey; they renew strength in me.  I realise how stressed/anxious I was before the session and how much lighter and happier I feel and I bid myself not to leave it so long before I do that again.  I make a mental note to find a Thai Chi class, a Mindfulness course and take time each day to practice discipline in this way.

The experience reminded me of Skyros last year (blogs available - scroll down) and especially of the Five Rhymn Dancing Yolande Anastasi taught us, but search for a class for that was unfruitful.  Hopefully, Thai Chi and Mindfulness will be easier to access nearer to home. 

We all wanted to capture the sunrise leaving the Greek Island of Skyros,
August 2015

Following the success of the above experience I attended the second Unwind Your Mind group and we engaged in a Mindful walk - taking in all the movements of the body in a slow motion walk that John Cleese would be proud of (it wasn't a funny walk but felt funny).  I like slow.  I think if there was another me in the animal kingdom I would be a snail, although I usually liken myself to a butterfly but that's another story. 

During the meditation we were asked to think of a colour and to call that colour Compassion.  The blue of the above droplet of water was fresh on my mind and so now I will be compassionate to myself whenever blue comes to me.  I will be kind to myself.  I cannot tell you how my internal organs have received that compassion only to say the pain is less, my anxiety and focus has changed.

Today was an extra class, not in the programme, but Zana did a powerpoint presentation to help us understand Mindfulness further.  There were some experiential exercises too, which unless you were there might sound a little strange if I put it into words.  Needless to say I further relaxed myself, so much so I had to have a nap afterwards. I have downloaded the Mindfulness Bell app for use at home.  I will practice what I have learnt as it has been so wonderful.