At the ending of 2018

A Reflection -

Highlights of 2018

• A visit to Birmingham to see places not seen for 40+ years.
• A visit to Southport and Liverpool seeing the Antony Gormley statues at Crosby Beach
• A holiday in Crete
• A new job
• Swanwick Writer's Summer School
• Visiting an Aunt I have not seen for 40+ years who lives in Spain
• A trip to Anglesey with a friend
• My nephew's wedding
• Times with family and friends
• Books read and reviewed

And, the other side of the coin

• Coping all year with ill health
• Family and friends with major health issues

365 days fly by don't they and yet at the time of each day life is a slow, daily opportunity to do your best, whether at work or at home.  Living with pain makes one appreciate the small things of life and gratitude that you can at least walk, talk, hear, see etc and never-ending sympathy and admiration for those less able.   

My focus has been drawn away at times from my goal, to be a published author, however I have managed book reviews, writing for a local magazine, blogs etc.  I have my first novel out to two or three publishers at the moment and am still editing and working on novel two, albeit slowly.  Chipping away and enjoying the process.

Christmas brought lovely gifts, family time and news of a great-nephew or niece to bring joy next year.  

I hear many a grumble about social media and the affect it has on some people who fall prey to abuse, negative comments and seedy romance seekers.  However, used appropriately I feel it is, in some cases, not only a life-saver but for many a place to find support and positivity, genuine care, fun and a platform for sharing goals and life issues with trusted friends that one perhaps will never meet.  People fighting all sorts of cancers, battling with mental health or life changing circumstances as well as great cooks, writers, political activists, animal and nature lovers, etc etc all contribute to my daily 'check in' and lift my spirits.  Maybe I spend a little too much time on this where I could be pursuing my goal but then I would miss out on this wonderful community that share insights into their passions

and interests.  What a rich world it is.

Well now I stand at the gateway to a NEW YEAR and a NEW START.  I don't make resolutions but I have a new MANTRA that I began whilst exercising on a daily basis.  I have it written above my writing space and on my heart.  Whereas 'perseverance pays off' was once my motto I also believe that 'determination' is a wonderful thing to have.  It gives FOCUS, DRIVE, HOPE, POSITIVITY and inspires others to think about how they can be a better self.

To those who follow me on my BLOGs - thank you for your time and interest.  I hope 2019 brings you unexpected joys and a spirit of determination in times that are not as you would wish for.

The Sciatica Journey

April 2018 – I attended my local hospital with a back sprain.  I was in agony and thought I had broken my coccyx bone.  A Senior Nurse Practitioner was less than sympathetic when telling me “even if you have they wont do anything” and sent me away with a prescription for painkillers. 

Six weeks later I was feeling better.  I was due to start a new part-time job as a Lunchtime Supervisor at a local primary school.  On the third day there I was asked to assist a colleague in moving a bench.  It wasn’t heavy but I knew straight away I should not have done it.  And so began The Sciatica Journey.

To say it was painful is an understatement.  Anyone who has had it will tell you.  I heard tales of walking sticks, six months off work, couldn’t get in and out of cars, depression, injections in spine etc etc.  Mornings were the worst having lain all night the first thing I needed to do was move my right leg from side to side to ‘wake it up’ as it felt like a ‘dead leg’.  Putting it out of bed onto the floor and getting to the bathroom felt excruciating and I hobbled like a 90 year old woman.  It bought tears to my eyes with the pain traveling rapidly from my heel up to my sacrum.  A day of pain in my leg, buttock and back followed.  And that was every day for several months.

I finally got a Physiotherapy appointment at my local hospital where an explanation of what the sciatic nerve was like using a skeleton to demonstrate.  Knowledge for me is half the battle as otherwise my brain goes to the worse case scenario imagining all sorts of terrible things.  I also educated myself via the internet, magazine articles, The Sciatica Handbook by Bill Habets 

and treated myself to other means of helping aides as painkillers and anti-inflammatory tablets just weren’t touching it.  I was prescribed Gabapentin and later an anti-depressant drug that helped calm the nerve - I had bad reactions to both of these so I abandoned all prescribed medications and went ‘natural’.  I ate fresh pineapple every day – a natural anti-inflammatory; drank chamomile tea; ate as much fruit and vegetables I could and bought a digital watch to count my daily steps.  Walking and fresh air have helped lift the mood.  Paracetamol and other available ‘over the counter’ tablets were taken to get me through the hour at school.  Resting with legs up has helped too.

• Hot and cold treatment – an ice block became my new best friend.  Freezing the pain allowed easier movement but was very temporary.  Heat pad belts were also very useful at the beginning giving relief and felt assurance I was ‘treating’ my back.  A cosy hot water bottle placed either under my leg or buttock whilst sitting or in bed was another comfort.  I also used heat cream or an ice gel but these were less effective.

• Private Physiotherapy sessions x 3 at two different locations.  These gave me more reassurance in the diagnosis and exercises to help.  I have done these religiously for the whole time – two or three times a day.  Mornings have been taken up with the routine of rising, taking a warm bath, exercising, dressing, and massaging my back, butt and leg with oil.
• A bed of nails mat – in my exercise regime I lay on my yoga mat and this - 
  
  hoping for relief.  I think the thought was that it may act like acupuncture, I’m not sure of the benefits but when you are suffering you try anything to relieve it.
• Pain gun –When I started using this I noticed a change in my thought patterns.  I began to repeat a positive statement over and over in my head at the end of each exercise session.
• Tennis ball – I was advised to roll this across my periformis muscle (in buttock) which I did.  Also rolling it under the ball of my foot where the Sciatic nerve ends.
• Jacuzzi.  I continued my membership at the leisure centre and although I did less and less in the gym (no weight lifting or strenuous exercises) I kept going.  A few times the tears would not stay in my eyes.  I swam of sorts, I couldn’t do much but enjoyed floating.  I used the Jacuzzi which has been a lovely relief of pain.
• MRI Scan – this showed I had two bulging discs and degeneration of spine bones (old age).  I requested a copy of the report to take to the Osteopath.
• Private Osteopath.  A trainer at the gym recommended her friend who would be gentle with me.  I had feared going to a Chiropractor worrying they would do more harm than good and was considering acupuncture.  However, I read up what the difference was between a Chiropractor and Osteopath and booked the latter.

The Osteopath gently stretched my lower spine with the palms of his hands; rocked me as I lay on my left side; manipulated the sciatic vein in my leg and did some cranial massage too.

A few days after the first session, the pain in my lower leg vanished.  After the second session, it hurt for a few days and I have to be honest and say my moods by now were not at their best.  Anger slipped out in frustration, I am only human and not super-human.  But that said there was more improvement.  The pain is receding and is now mostly only in my very upper leg, buttock and back.  I have hope that by Christmas and New Year this journey will be at its end.

As Sciatica is an ailment that can’t be seen or felt by anyone else it is hard for friends and family to empathize.  People who live permanently with disabilities were more sympathetic and those who have previously suffered sciatica could feel my pain when I sat with a cushion for support in their company.

I have experienced many physical and mental health issues in my life but this was by far the worst.  I wish I had gone to an Osteopath much sooner and can highly recommend this form of treatment for those who prefer holistic therapy.  With grateful thanks to Peter Andrews, Sutton Osteopathy, Sutton Coldfield, West Midlands.

To date (16.12.18) I still exercise daily, walk, have warm baths with Epsom Salts in, use the pain gun and none prescribed pain killers once a day.  

Thank you for taking time to read this blog.  If you know anyone who is suffering in this debilitating health issue please print it off - it may help them.  

A Festive Feast

Christmas Cake and Mistletoe Nights by Carole Matthews - A Book Review

When I pick up another Carole Matthews book and start reading I am instantly transported back in time to when I met her at the beginning of my own writing journey.  I was in awe of meeting a 'proper author' and how lovely she was when we chatted.  I have read many of her books and each time marvel at how many she has written and how good they all are.

Reading just a few pages of this one gave me inspiration to pick up my pen again and continue on my journey towards being a published author.  This book is written in the first person which is how I like to read and therefore how I like to write.

Instantly I am back with Fay and the gorgeous Danny - remembering one of Carole's Mary Berry endorsed books, the Cake shop in the Garden.  I have looked forward to this continued canal journey that Fay began with Danny  It is a sequel but equally can be read as a stand alone book.

The story is jam packed with EXCITEMENT.  It is a mixture of love, friendship and family; baked in the chill of winter and iced with snow.  It is decorated with an upbeat teenager and an old man, both of whom make you laugh and cry; a Latvian friend who needs to temper her language; and a bitterness and angst with her sister that Fay muddles through.

There is storm damage and restoration where they all pull together and the hero surprises and delivers moments of great joy.

This book made me want to bake a cake and get the Christmas tree out of the loft.

It made me grateful for what I have and it tickled both my sense of humour and imagination.  It is a great seasonal read that I hope will be part of a trilogy.  I want MORE of Danny and Fay, Lija and Mog; Stan, Rainbow and Nana; and sister Edie.  Excellent, Keep writing Carole Matthews.

Reviews also posted on Amazon and Goodreads.

 

Surprise me

Book Review

Oh my life, this is the most excellent book.  I absolutely loved it.   It is the second Sophie Kinsella book I have read and love the first person narration.  Anyone who has an overactive imagination or over suspicious mind will be thrilled by this book.  

Long term relationships have their ups and downs and Sophie's humour takes on trying to revitalise the marriage of Sylvie and Dan, which is utterly brilliant.  However, true to life there are shocks and revelations too.  Pressures of family life, work and holding secrets takes its toll but Sylvie's overactive mind leads her to a drive force that changes how she looks, feels, thinks and loves.

This charming tale melts away dark corners and sheds light on truth, friendship and love.  All the relationships are believable and you feel as though you are spying on Sylvie's life, watching and waiting for a good outcome.

I NEVER turn to the ending pages of a book to see how it turns out but I was so in Sylvie and Dan's corner that I just had to know whether what I was reading and feeling was truth.  I related so much to Sylvie - her thought patterns and believable senarios; her perceived quirkiness of her husband Dan and having to knock her father off the pedestal she had had him on.  It made me think again about 'reactions' and 'actions'; how LIFE NOW is all that matters and no matter how much time anyone has to live the most should be made of it.

A delightful, easy, believable read that grips, churns and hooks you.  Tantalising, honest and wholesome.    Well done Sophie Kinsella *****

Reviews also on Good Reads and Amazon.

Holiday Reads

3 Book Reviews

1.  My (Not So) Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella

This was my first Sophie Kinsella book and it certainly will not be my last.  I found it very entertaining with lots of laugh out loud moments and touching heartfelt scenarios.

The protagonist’s life in London and rural Britain has real depth of character which enables the reader to be transported easily to the countryside from the city and back again.  Each place has a lure and is emotive so that Katie sometimes finds herself torn between her ambitions and family loyalty.  Her bosses in London are quirky but when they holiday or visit for business at Katie’s family farm venture they, show her another side to their personalities. 

The book shows we all have two sides to us and given the right circumstances we can be the person we want to be.  If you like high-flying careers or the simple life of camping outdoors, you will enjoy this book.  It will amuse and inspire, help you to chase dreams or simply appreciate what you already have.

 

2. Desperately Seeking Summer by Mandy Baggott

I read this book in the setting it was situated in – on Corfu Island – so it made it so much more authentic.  The Greek phrases speckled in conversation were familiar and the description of food, trees, flowers, sea and smells lingered after each chapter I read.

The characters and businesses typical of Corfu were easy to relate to – I particularly liked the olive wood workshop as there are so many of these dotted around the island and shops sell all things olive related.

The infiltration of ex-pats and tourists are helping an otherwise failing economy;  having lived on a Greek island for 3 years I easily imagined to the Real Estate business where the buying, selling, renting of all types of properties has its peaks and toughs in this story. 

Author Mandy makes many references to celebrities and UK television programmes we are all familiar with which adds English reality into Greek fantasy.

Watching large coaches navigate narrow winding roads from my hotel balcony and boats on the sea added to the humour and drama with which the writer conveys this edgy romance.  From desperately sad circumstances the protagonist turns her back on the UK to seek her future.  Slowly under the warmth and slow paced life of Corfu she helps to raise standards, business and self-esteem of her sister and bereaved mother.  This melts the hardening of her heart along with getting to know the locals, accepting her losses and testing out her instincts.  The family business and her love life take an upward turn and you are left with as much feel-good factor as the Mama Mia films.

3.  Spring on the Little Cornish Isles – The Flower Farm by Phillipa Ashley

I have Cornish blood running through my veins although I have never been to the Scilly Isles and now have a desire to go there and see where our spring blooms are grown. 

The story of farm owners – twins Will and Jess and their mother who is recovering from a marital disaster – take on seasonal workers.  Together with locals the reader is transported to a remote island where dedication and hard work is an every day occurrence.  However relationships bloom too.  Dreams are held dear but circumstances cause turmoil of the heart and mind.

Fun and dramas bring the right people together and deep love conquers all.

The author keeps the reader on track with all the different relationships and delightful description of places helps the imagination enter into the characters worlds.  The tantilising ‘will they, wont they’ dilemmas are real page turners and leaves you happy with the outcomes.

Virgin at 50

Book Review

 

Virgin at 50

by Pam Keevil,

 Published by Black Pear Press

I really enjoyed this book; topics of interest were covered sensitively and weaved through a tale of betrayal; hurts and disappointments; finding a new life and way of being; love and friendship.  Here's my take on it without giving away too much of the story:

When it comes to sex Angie has had Nun of it!  Leaving a sacred Order for a new life is very daunting but friend Maggie is on hand to advise her on the ways of the world.  Old Habits die hard and she is soon doing good works in her neighbourhood - caring for Jason and later his girlfriend too.

There are Crosses to bear with her neighbour Paul and a trip abroad turns into a mini Mission to help one family become educated and employed.

Weaved into this delightful story is a haunting memory of a Priest and decades of memories which help convict a perpetrator of sexual abuse, the outcome of which devastates her Sisters.

When internet dating proves disastrous her hopes of loosing her virginity fades fast.  Angie stops obsessing about it and takes up a teaching post.

There are truths and deceits in this tale; determination and good triumphing over bad.  Faith in people helps Angie find love in an unexpected way.

I met Pam Keevil at Swanwick this year and what a lovely lady she is.  I was able to buy a paperback copy from the bookstalls and hope to keep in touch via social media.

A signed copy

I have rated the book 5* on Amazon; it is available on Kindle or via the author or publisher.  Do visit their websites: pamkeevil.com and https://blackpear.net.

Swanwick Writers Summer School 2018

One week on and I am just ‘landing’ from the tremendous ‘high’ that SWSS was again this year.  The Writing School were celebrating 70 years of existence which is a wonderful achievement.  I booked early to secure my place having received vouchers towards the cost from family members for  Christmas and birthday presents.

On the first evening, one of my favorite authors gave the after dinner address.  Sue Moorcroft told us about ‘The Road to Publication (with a few wrong turns)’ which spanned a period of 23 years and 30 short story rejections before having her first novel published on her 40^th birthday.  Wow, that must have been amazing!  

Sue Moorcroft is a Sunday Times and International bestselling author.

I felt privileged when Sue joined me at the dinner table and as we drank wine together in the bar area. One evening we walked around the lake together with Rosemary Kind.  I feel very at ease in Sue’s company and we were able to get to know each other sharing stuff other than writing.

I also had a 1-1 session with Sue that helped me greatly with pointers for ‘submitting to publishers’ and comments on first chapters of my second novel.

The A – Z of Novel Writing, 4 part course, led by Simon Hall was also excellent.

Simon is a former BBC News Correspondent, Journalist and author of detective novels. 

There was much fun guessing what each letter was going to cover as Simon had chosen some obscure words to talk around.  We also had short writing exercises to do - delegates were divided into Crime Writers and Romance Writers by each side of the room.  I was glad I was assigned into the Romance writing but my writing pal for the week has gone away inspired to write a murder mystery based on one or two of these exercises, so I can’t wait to hear the finished version.

Unwind your Mind with Zana Lamont at 5.15 pm was a very precious time in the chapel sitting quietly listening to music, moving to some Tai Chi movements and finally resting in utter peace and contentment.  Meditation by the Lake at 8 am led by Katherine Bolton was also enlightening and peace giving.  Thank you both for these lovely sessions amidst the hustle and bustle of a busy week.

Writing Residency by Leonie Martin were the sessions that most inspired me.  It was about Writing for Wellbeing Workshops in Derbyshire and how it came about for her and what she does for already established groups.  I now have to somehow find time to grow the seed planted in my brain of how I can take the inspiration forward.  It may be early Spring before I can reasonably trial what I have tentatively planned, but watch this space!

Editing Essentials by Hazel Prior was very popular with every seat taken and the room was very full.  It was good to confirm that I am doing with my first manuscript is on the right road but I guess there is no end to how much editing one can do as a novice novel writer.  We had a few exercises to do where passages from well known authors were put up on the screen and we had to condense, expand or edit to improve.  I failed each time to make a better draft of some other person’s work, let’s hope my own work fare’s better in the editing process.

Succeed on Purpose by John Lamont was exceedingly interesting with information about how our brain works, the power of positive thinking and how to organize our time.  My pal was impressed with John’s demonstration of how gremlins work in our brain and how he invented a creature called Boo Gerov (said in Scottish – translates as Bugger Off) to combat negatives thoughts.  I have written a Blog on GNATs, my equivalent of John’s theory – you will need to scroll through my blog posts to find it if you are interested.

I am sure I could tell you so much more about my week but if you are a writer do look SWSS up on the web and consider joining us next year.  First timers are amazed at how friendly everyone is, how quickly they fit in and enjoy all that the week has to offer.  The food always is so plentiful and lovely that we all come away a few pounds/stones heavier!!

Memory Lane break

44 years of marriage needs to be celebrated, well life itself needs celebrating, no need for an excuse.  Living in the moment, whether in good health or not, is certainly one way to create happiness.  I expect you have heard of, if not use, Groupon?  Well we took advantage of a deal at the Park Regis Hotel, Birmingham for this particular anniversary.  We were both born in Birmingham and besides an occasional visit to the shops in the town centre we had never revisited our old 'haunts' and wanted to see the changes, particularly the canals.  I will be reviewing the hotel on Trip Advisor as it was excellent but here's a glimpse of where we were:

Birmingham on Sea 😄

Bar Balcony

Beautiful decoration

Our trip began with a short train journey (now we have Senior Railcards) which took us into Birmingham New Street station (Grand Central, as it is now known) which we had visited before.  We walked the length of Broad Street recognising, and not recognising, places along the way.  Lee Longlands shop was still there - we bought our first pine dining table and chairs from there; as were one or two pubs we had individually frequented in our teenage years before we met.  But the college where I was trained in Secretarial skills back in the 1970's was no longer there, in fact Brasshouse Passage has now transformed into a beautiful opening to the canals.

Brasshouse passage renewed

Brindley Place near to Sea Life Centre

Lego Giraffe outside Lego world by the canal

Birmingham Art Gallery

I hope that angel was healing me in the Art Gallery!   We also rested in Victoria Square next to the Town Hall where I recalled singing in a school choir 'Jerusalem' to the Queen Mother who was sat in the gallery.

On the way back up Broad Street to the hotel I noticed the pavement had special stars along the way, here are two of my favourites:

Life is full of opposites and the beauty and opulence of the city also has a down side.  

I was saddened by sights of the homeless making a bed with a sleeping bag or quilt in doorways or on the pavement where there was a bit of shelter or they were walking the streets with bags of all their possessions. By night and early hours of the morning the sirens of emergency services were sounding much too frequently.  That said, it all made me grateful for what I have, who I am, where I came from and where I am now.  Hope you have enjoyed this glimpse into my life - if so do comment below.

THREE & A HALF YEARS

A REFLECTION

I thought I was retired but it seems there is still 'work to do' still left for me to experience.  At 60 I began to think about retiring from self-employment I had enjoyed in the counselling field.  The landscape was changing - my governing body moving goal posts meant I would have to do MORE studying in order to keep practising as a counsellor and supervisor of counsellors.  The annual fees of said governing body, as everything else, increased yearly as well as insurance cover, Personal Development courses which were an obligatory requirement of the job, travel, supervision and other overheads saw my outgoings becoming greater than my income.

At 61 I took an adventurous holiday to Skyros Greek Island (see blogs - The Big Adventure 2015) to help me find a new way forward - could I at last be a WRITER?  And so this became my plan and my goal - I am in the process of achieving the dream of having a book published.  Letting go of being a Private Practise Counsellor became easier once I had a plan of 'what's next'.  I talked it over with my two counsellor friends - we met and still meet in our trio every two or three months - after all this was going to close a door on 25 years experience.  They too were toying with the idea with similar reasons.

It was my greatest joy seeing counselling students through the arduous journey of study and reaching their Diploma or Degree certificate having had many hours of therapy with me.  I treasured all clients - seeing them have 'lightbulb' moments of revelation or changing thinking patterns or embracing self-love and moving away from bullies, life-debilitating situations or learning to simply say No when necessary for peace of mind.  Others looked at situations from another perspective through counselling, learnt more about themselves and others and relating.  It was my utter privilege to work alongside such a wide variety of people of all ages and stages of life as they shared inner most thoughts and feelings not shared before.

So, when taking on new clients I began my journey towards an ending (without endings there are no new beginnings).  I prepared each new person that should their counselling be long term I would be ceasing to practise beyond April 2016.  Telling them this reinforced the decision in my brain as it was a long wind-down process.  I learnt to let go by referring prospective clients to other counsellors I knew well and then finally I gave notice to the professional organisations/companies I was linked to that from 31st March 2016 I would no longer by practising.

My last client was working through a sudden bereavement and fortuitously she was ready for her own brave step into a wider world on our last day.  I had seen her take her first steps and survive in the world of a single woman taking a holiday alone which she conquered with pride.  When I closed the door behind her I wept.  Tears of joy, sadness, relief and thankfulness.  She had given me a card and gift - there are some clients you will never forget and she will be one of mine.

My counselling cabin at the bottom of the garden was no longer a counselling room.  The bookcase glared at me, its shelves hosted theory and self-help books, folders of CPD papers and study material - the space in the room shouted 'time for a change'.  In the weeks that followed I emptied the shelves and sorted into keep, shred, share piles - other counsellors were offered a lot of my books.  The therapeutic process of a good clear out and moving furniture around, painting an old chair, buying a table, putting up a new shelf and pictures all served a purpose of preparing me for a new 'special/sacred' space.  I had a new colour - pink instead of beige and brown, and a theme of nature - birds, trees, stones and birdhouses.  I put up some twinkle lights and it felt like I was a kid in a Wendy house playing make-believe I will be a writer next!  My She-Shed was transformed; it is now my writing space.  Now I could be serious about my ambition that I had put off/denied/not believed or been encouraged to do all of my life.

I have written a novel, yet to be published and have 2 sequels in my head and notebooks.  I have had articles printed in magazines and have entered a world of authors, bloggers, writers and readers. During these last two years life has thrown some nasty cards my way but it hasn't deterred me.  I have put it down and picked it up as and when I was able to.  I would not have coped with working with clients through the health issues both myself and my daughter have had to deal with plus 3 bereavements and 2 other family members with cancer.  But here we are, out of the dark days and in another phase of life.  I have become a Lunchtime Supervisor; leader of Tamworth Readers & Writers group; co-leader of Being Well group and regularly meeting with my craft group - now in its 11th year.  I have edited my novel and had 3 people read it.  Now its time to put it out there in an effort to be published.

I maintained contact with my counselling trio and two students who are now private practitioners themselves.  A friend I did some degree courses with in Lancaster now lives nearer too.  These precious ladies 'get me', they listen like no-one else listens.  They enable me to be real, strong, valued and grounded.  I am also writing blogs for a counsellor in London knitting together my two greatest passions - counselling and writing.  I may retire from paid work when I get my pension at 66 but for now a new path has opened its way for me and I am very happily walking along it.

A Visit to Southport

SOUTHPORT

in May

The M6 took us from the Midlands to a place I had only visited once before on a coach trip.  This time Pete and I stayed in a B & B for 3 nights.  The visit was mainly to see an old friend who was now a resident in a Care Home in Southport but also to experience somewhere new in the UK.  

First impressions of our chosen B & B was - WOW.  What a hidden gem of a place.  Light, airy, clean, tidy, modern and a lovely greeting from the owners and their dogs.  They have four guest rooms and ours overlooked the garden.  A quick unpacking job, then we headed outdoors.  I remembered that the sea was a fair walk from the town and thankfully had good footwear.  We walked to the pier taking in the wildlife and boats on the marina before entering the 2nd longest pier in the UK.

As the sea goes out for miles and miles and miles there were areas where cars could drive onto the beach one side of the pier and dogs could run around on the other side.  The weather was lovely but it did get rather breezy the further down the pier we strolled.  

We found a fish and chip café called Diva which I would fully recommend - huge portion and a wide variety of drinks. 

Well, I'm on holiday!

In nearby Birkdale village we found a café for lunch with our dear friend and ate so much that we had to walk it off around the town centre of Southport later.  My phone app told me I had done 12,500 steps (7.6km).  Hope that killed the calories consumed!

A café with 'book' wallpaper - love it.

AOTEAROA SOUTHPORT - our Bed & Breakfast accommodation.

I can't recommend this place highly enough.  Vince and Denise, who originate from New Zealand, made us so welcome and their lovely home was our home for a few days.  I have posted a review on TripAdvisor if you are thinking of going to Southport and looking for somewhere to stay.  The breakfasts were like none we have had anywhere else - the choice was mouth-watering.  Denise is into healthy eating so anyone with a food intolerance will be well chuffed with gluten free biscuits in your room, soya and coconut milk if you need it, water with lemon in etc etc.  I came home with a recipe for the Granola she makes and was very impressed with her egg Benedict and other cooked breakfasts.  We ate in her kitchen which is beautifully arranged with all the latest equipment.

The house is an unusual design; the dogs are lovely - so well behaved; the garden catches the sun in the afternoon.

En-route home we stopped by Crosby Beach to see Antony Gormley's sculptures.  Unfortunately the tide was in and the weather turned cold so just a 30 minute stop to walk along the breezy front and spy the statues.

Oh no, I missed the boat!

Where am I?

HER SECRET - Book Review

What a privilege and pleasure to be asked to read a proof copy of Kelly Florentia's sequel to No Way Back.  This request via Twitter excited me from the offset.  Receiving the paperback Her Secret was soul cheering; I opened the package with eager anticipation and glee.  My palms ran over the covers, gently, like I was holding a baby.  It was smooth and cold but my hands were about to bring it to warmth and life as I opened its first pages, published by Urbane Publications.

I found it very hard to get past the first sentence written in CAPITAL LETTERS.  It almost commands reflecting on the answer, as if the lovely author is asking you a question through soul-waves.   

I press on into Chapter 1.  I instantly love it as its written in the first person and I identify with the protagonist's sentiments.  And then I turn over the first page to find Cyprus is mentioned - my second home for three special years.  I just KNOW I am going to love this story.  During the first two chapters the intrigue kicks in and warning bells about Audrey Fox's relationship begin to ring in my head.  

The pace, or was it my heart, quickens.  By Chapter 7 I can't put it down - I'm well and truly hooked - well we love a bit of gossip and hearing others secrets don't we?

During Chapter 12 I had my Counsellor's hat on and wanted to persuade Audrey to come to my Private Practise cosy room where she could off-load to her hearts content in confidence that all this 'stuff' whizzing about her brain could unravel, make sense and give her answers to the way forward.  Poor girl, I fear she will have a nervous breakdown if she doesn't tell someone something soon.  It gets so intense that I have to put the book down for a breather - I'm so wrapped up in the situation.  I have to 'come out' of the book into the calm reality of my life.  And yet....   I am pulled back, soooooo wanting to know how Audrey gets tangled into a web like a fly.  I'm scared for her.  The writing is alive, vibrant, thrilling and compelling.

I love how Audrey's brain works - where there is one truth there are lots of negative lies buzzing around her brain until the next sentence or paragraph or chapter negates these thoughts.  How often do we go off on a tangent in moments of stress, creating worst case scenarios in our head or telling ourselves we've got it all wrong and try to make good sense from a bad situation, refusing to believe the plain obvious truth or trust our gut instincts?

There are laugh out loud moments too - I'm sure readers will love Audrey's bubble bath scene and swear never to take a mobile phone into the bathroom ever again.  I mean, you may have dropped yours in the water or down the loo, but never what Audrey did!

Audrey's life bumps from one catastrophe to another.  She should work for the fire brigade putting flames out that have been lit and fanned by her nearest and dearest.  Her brain, however, pours oil on the sparks rather than water.  But that's what some personality types (me included) do when trouble rears its head we make it ten times worse by our thoughts.  Imagination is a weird and wonderful thing.  

The author writes so that the reader can 'see' the characters, smell them, like them or loathe them as each scene unfolds.  I read quicker then I normally do, entangled in the mind games and topsy turvy way the story gripped me.  Reaching the end, I was holding my breath and closing the covers the words 'Bloody Brilliant' came to mind.  I again put my palms on the covers noting the black and white and tinges of red.  There is a moral to this novel - see if you can find it.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED READ.......  5 stars Kelly Florentia.

LISTEN

Last week, trending on social media was #TalkitOut #MentalHealthAwarenessDay.  In response I am writing about the other important side - that of being heard, truly heard, which means someone taking the time to focus totally on the talker.  We are all guilty of not doing this.  How often are we working and listening; on a mobile phone or tablet and listening; thinking of what to have for dinner or cooking and listening, tv is on and someone walks in and wants to talk - do you turn if off, pause it or record what you are watching to give the speaker your full attention?

The therapeutic affect of being TRULY listened to goes mostly unspoken but its value should not be undervalued - it can be a life changer.

What do I mean by being TRULY listened to?  Don't we all listen every day and hear how old Mrs Jones down the road is today; what the news is reporting from our tv screens; what the boss wants and how our family and friends are?  We may think we have heard fully and respond accordingly but have we FULLY heard or are we assuming, not understanding but putting our own interpretation on the situation?  Did we enter the speaker's world as they spoke?  What is this illness or difficult situation like for them; what are they really asking us to do, are they asking us to do anything at all, are they 'off loading' or not making clear what they really need?  

As the listener have we given the speaker our full attention?  I guess there are a lot of times that the answer will be No because we are very busy people, we have stuff of our own going on in our heads, we haven't been trained to do this most valuable job of TRULY listening.

Listening is not just about hearing words, although this is, of course, vital.  Our ears are not our only listening equipment - our eyes listen too.  They see facial expressions and sadness, pain or anger in the speakers eyes.  Fidgeting and other body language informs the listener how the speaker is at this time of talking.  Are they comfortable or uncomfortable, is there an urgency in their tone or voice; are they struggling to get what they want to say out; are they looking at you or avoiding meeting your eyes?  These things tell the listener if you are to be trusted or whether the talker is in agony with shame, mistrust, feeling helpless, grieved, hurt or lost.  Will you give them advice or dismiss what they say as wrong/nonsense or encourage them to say more/explain further?  

Sometimes help is being asked for; other times its about saying thoughts out aloud that helps to untangle a confusion, clarify and move them forward.

Things to look for, especially if you feel the talker is in a very low mood or constantly tearful

• Is their appearance clean ie. clothes, hair etc?
• Are they sleeping alright?
• Are they taking prescribed medication?
• Are they comfort eating or smoking excessively, over consuming alcohol, gambling etc?
• Are there signs of self-harming or not wanting to eat?

There is a lot more to 'listening' than most of us are aware of and to be truly attentive to the person speaking takes a lot of effort.  We have to put aside our own stuff that fills our heads and time.  We have to have a level of compassion, if not total empathy with the speaker, in short we need to love people, value them as unique and precious people.

Being truly listened to gives the speaker WORTH.  They know when someone they are speaking to is pre-occupied or right there with them.  They know whether they are being understood or whether the listener thinks they know better and give off vibes of 'pull yourself together'.  The listeners body language is important too.

As a trained and experienced counsellor, now retired, I have seen lives blossom like flower buds opening before my eyes.  People I have sat with have changed from insecure human beings to determined and more confident people; I have witnessed grief to the depth of the person wanting to die too and then heard how they have made small steps into living a full life again.  It has been an immense privilege to hear the stories of souls in this way and to journey the process of change alongside them.

Counselling training and practice gave me skills that have served me well, not only as a listener but in my own life too.

If you have need to be truly heard I recommend person-centred counselling.  You can access a local counsellor via the BACP or Counselling Directory websites.

HACKED OFF!

This blog is about being HACKED.  I post it to a) warn you, dear readers, of Internet scammers and b) to draw a line under the whole experience.

I was just ending a two hour stint of working on editing my novel when a grey box covered my work on the screen. (I always 'back up' my work on a data stick but had not yet had chance to).  At the top the words 'Microsoft Security Alert' drew my attention to read the contents of the grey box which was telling me not to close down my computer as I would loose all my files due to insufficient virus protection (or words to that effect).  There was then a full screen telephone number to ring and a voice urging me to 'ring this number'.  I debated my options : close the computer down and potentially loose all my work or call the number hoping it wasn't a scam.

I pride myself with being computer savvy for an 'old 'un' but in the moment with the options and knowledge that either way my computer was needing attention.  Being of a secretarial background I got pen and paper ready and wrote down the phone number and things that were happening as I rang the number.  (Missed Clue 1 - underneath the number were the words (Free Toll)).  An Asian voice answered the call, was very polite and asked me to press the Windows key + R which I did and it gave him access to my computer which then proceeded to do what I was lead to believe was a diagnostic report - the screen was going crazy with data.  I asked if this was a free service from Microsoft and he replied I would get a report at the end.  I thought I would make a decision of what the next step was when this report was given.  (Missed Clue 2 - I was asked if I had ever been hacked before, replying 'no' probably indicated I was naïve).  I was given a customer reference number and it all looked very convincing of being from Microsoft.  (Missed Clue 3 - The 'windows' logo was blue not the four primary colours of the Windows symbol).

I was informed that the computer needed spyware/riskware and he seemed to install an Advance Identity Protector saying it was Support & Firewall Security (still showing Microsoft).  When he said I could pay 1 year's cover for $199.99; 2 years $299.99 or a lifetime payment of $499.99 I said I couldn't afford it.  I was now feeling well and truly taken for a ride.  He again pressed for payment and I again said I couldn't afford it.  He then got 'narky' and said I may as well throw the computer out the window, to which I replied, "well I'll just have to do that then".  I ended the phone call and closed down the computer, rang my computer fixer and arranged to take it for his expert advice.

I was cross, with myself, with him, with the now defunct computer and all it held dear to me - photos, on-line banking, my novel of 100,000 words.  I stomped about the house feeling violated.  It felt like someone had got inside my head and manipulated my thinking; I vowed to go back to using a typewriter!  The internet is a corrupt place.  As I relayed the occurrence to loved ones, it made me feel sick.  Thankfully they were very understanding and told me it can happen to anyone - large companies like banks and NHS have been subject to hackers.  What happens to these hackers?  Do they get away with it?

I now know that the phone number was an unregistered one - my daughter looked it up on her IPhone (I was unaware you could do this) and I changed my bank PIN and Microsoft Password, but she assured me that he didn't get what he wanted and would have moved onto the next unsuspecting person or company.

I was 5 days without my left arm that is my laptop, wondering if my computer man would be able to fix the problem.  He reinstalled Windows 10 and copied data over to its new home inside my laptop, behind a screen that looks slightly different and things rearranged but all present, thankfully.  He charged a reasonable sum and my life is restored.  I will maintain my 'never buy anything at the door, over the phone or on the internet that I didn't ask for' policy but the older I get the more nerve wracking this experience seems to be.  Be aware readers, think carefully, think wisely.