THREE & A HALF YEARS

A REFLECTION

I thought I was retired but it seems there is still 'work to do' still left for me to experience.  At 60 I began to think about retiring from self-employment I had enjoyed in the counselling field.  The landscape was changing - my governing body moving goal posts meant I would have to do MORE studying in order to keep practising as a counsellor and supervisor of counsellors.  The annual fees of said governing body, as everything else, increased yearly as well as insurance cover, Personal Development courses which were an obligatory requirement of the job, travel, supervision and other overheads saw my outgoings becoming greater than my income.

At 61 I took an adventurous holiday to Skyros Greek Island (see blogs - The Big Adventure 2015) to help me find a new way forward - could I at last be a WRITER?  And so this became my plan and my goal - I am in the process of achieving the dream of having a book published.  Letting go of being a Private Practise Counsellor became easier once I had a plan of 'what's next'.  I talked it over with my two counsellor friends - we met and still meet in our trio every two or three months - after all this was going to close a door on 25 years experience.  They too were toying with the idea with similar reasons.

It was my greatest joy seeing counselling students through the arduous journey of study and reaching their Diploma or Degree certificate having had many hours of therapy with me.  I treasured all clients - seeing them have 'lightbulb' moments of revelation or changing thinking patterns or embracing self-love and moving away from bullies, life-debilitating situations or learning to simply say No when necessary for peace of mind.  Others looked at situations from another perspective through counselling, learnt more about themselves and others and relating.  It was my utter privilege to work alongside such a wide variety of people of all ages and stages of life as they shared inner most thoughts and feelings not shared before.

So, when taking on new clients I began my journey towards an ending (without endings there are no new beginnings).  I prepared each new person that should their counselling be long term I would be ceasing to practise beyond April 2016.  Telling them this reinforced the decision in my brain as it was a long wind-down process.  I learnt to let go by referring prospective clients to other counsellors I knew well and then finally I gave notice to the professional organisations/companies I was linked to that from 31st March 2016 I would no longer by practising.

My last client was working through a sudden bereavement and fortuitously she was ready for her own brave step into a wider world on our last day.  I had seen her take her first steps and survive in the world of a single woman taking a holiday alone which she conquered with pride.  When I closed the door behind her I wept.  Tears of joy, sadness, relief and thankfulness.  She had given me a card and gift - there are some clients you will never forget and she will be one of mine.

My counselling cabin at the bottom of the garden was no longer a counselling room.  The bookcase glared at me, its shelves hosted theory and self-help books, folders of CPD papers and study material - the space in the room shouted 'time for a change'.  In the weeks that followed I emptied the shelves and sorted into keep, shred, share piles - other counsellors were offered a lot of my books.  The therapeutic process of a good clear out and moving furniture around, painting an old chair, buying a table, putting up a new shelf and pictures all served a purpose of preparing me for a new 'special/sacred' space.  I had a new colour - pink instead of beige and brown, and a theme of nature - birds, trees, stones and birdhouses.  I put up some twinkle lights and it felt like I was a kid in a Wendy house playing make-believe I will be a writer next!  My She-Shed was transformed; it is now my writing space.  Now I could be serious about my ambition that I had put off/denied/not believed or been encouraged to do all of my life.

I have written a novel, yet to be published and have 2 sequels in my head and notebooks.  I have had articles printed in magazines and have entered a world of authors, bloggers, writers and readers. During these last two years life has thrown some nasty cards my way but it hasn't deterred me.  I have put it down and picked it up as and when I was able to.  I would not have coped with working with clients through the health issues both myself and my daughter have had to deal with plus 3 bereavements and 2 other family members with cancer.  But here we are, out of the dark days and in another phase of life.  I have become a Lunchtime Supervisor; leader of Tamworth Readers & Writers group; co-leader of Being Well group and regularly meeting with my craft group - now in its 11th year.  I have edited my novel and had 3 people read it.  Now its time to put it out there in an effort to be published.

I maintained contact with my counselling trio and two students who are now private practitioners themselves.  A friend I did some degree courses with in Lancaster now lives nearer too.  These precious ladies 'get me', they listen like no-one else listens.  They enable me to be real, strong, valued and grounded.  I am also writing blogs for a counsellor in London knitting together my two greatest passions - counselling and writing.  I may retire from paid work when I get my pension at 66 but for now a new path has opened its way for me and I am very happily walking along it.