The Big Adventure - 15

Doubt creeps in when I least expect it.  I am going along nicely towards my goal and then things outside of myself bring doubts to my head.

• Am I really a writer? 
• Have I left it too late in life to pursue this avenue?
• Am I setting myself up for yet another disappointment in life?
• Is the holiday a waste of money, time and effort?

I ride roughshod over these thoughts and push ever onwards towards my goal, trying to enjoy the journey; the process; and telling myself "NOTHING is a waste in the economy of God" - a phrase I once heard from a lady preacher at Cefn Lea, Joyce Gascoigne, some 28 years ago when I was pursuing a very different life.  Being so much younger then I didn't analyse my actions, I went with the crowd, flowed through the river that was 'church' and all it entailed.

"So what" if I am the oldest person on the Writer's Course?  I am only 60, there is life still yet to be lived.  Any disappointment would surely be from NOT having pursued this avenue; there is no shame in trying, no catching a fish without learning the tricks of the trade as it were.

As for the cost, time and effort - well, it is true I could have bought new lounge furnishings or even a second hand car.  I could have left the money in the bank 'just in case of a rainy day', but I chose to invest in myself, in the belief that I could be a writer.  The time and effort therefore come hand in hand with the cost.  Nothing is free and nothing comes to me - I have to go out and get it.  If, like the fisherman, I come back with an empty line - hooks, rod and net having been in the wrong place at the wrong time, I will move to another spot in pursue of the prize.  Salmon fishing is an art and takes much practise, effort and money, as does becoming a writer. 

I have already thought to go on another course not so far away next year.  This is the beginning of a new direction and purpose of my life.  Until I achieve my goal, admit defeat or life events change my circumstances I will be writing, writing, writing AND learning, learning, learning.