THE PROCESS

By co-incident my friend Sue and I are completing our challenges today.  Sue started hers well over a year ago training and fund raising.  She is cycling through Tanzania and Zanzibar in aid of Genesis Research Trust, an organisation that are searching for causes of miscarriages, pre and post natal deaths.

We have been through a 'process' in order to get to where we are.  It is 'The Road Less Travelled' as written about by F Scott Fitzgerald.  The process takes you to places you can not imagine and is very difficult to describe to others.  It is a personal journey of self discovery.  The highs of achievements along the way outweigh the depths of the lows of struggle, slow progress, frustration and doubt.

I can only write about my process - Sue's has been so much longer and so much harder as intense blockages and obstacles have had to be grappled with, faced and overcome.  I have written of my ups and downs, mountains and valleys, but process is only something you recognise at the end of your challenge, or when you look back and see how far you have come, what you have mastered and what you have achieved.

I try to explain 'process' to people by the illustration of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly (see ENDINGS blog) or by reading the story of Yellow (see next blog).

Sue and I will be different because of our self-set challenges.  We will have learnt things about ourselves, about others and about the world we live in that no books or teacher could have taught us.  We will have brought about the very change and experience we were looking for/wanting but didn't quite know how it would work.  We threw caution to the wind, took risks, battled with our own heads and bodies, went against our natural or habitual inclinations and broke the mould of the person we were before our challenges.  Because of the challenge we will never be the same again.  A new person is crossing the finishing line, we may look the same but inside we have changed.

In wanting to hug my friend Sue at her finishing line and say a massive "Well Done" (will have to wait for our next visit to Lincolnshire) I offer myself that joy too.  I have not lost the stone in weight I set out to but 5kg is a good result.  I can feel my trouser and skirt tops are loser, my protruding tummy is softer and I am working on tightening the muscles by doing daily sit ups.  I enjoy shopping for food more, cooking meals from recipes and expanding my range of dinners in particular.  So in all of that I feel pleased myself.  If you don't enter a challenge and work within the process you don't get a result.

Sue & Helen ride for Charity

ENDINGS

"Are we nearly there yet?" children ask from the back seat of the car on a long journey to a holiday destination.  Whether it is boredom with travelling or excitement of bucket and spades, ice cream and donkey rides, one can not be sure. 

I am on the last stretch of my 60 day challenge - the journey has become a little tiresome and getting to a new place where writing every day is not necessary even if desirable and eating healthily will be my new 'norm' is looking appealing.

Endings always bring mixed feelings - elation and sorrow; saddness and relief; freedom and change.  Of all the endings of life I have encountered I try to look on them as 'new beginnings'.  I can't start a new chapter until I have finished the last one.

I love New Year and Spring; I like Mondays, Easter and birthdays, especially '0' milestone birthdays.  They are all new beginnings.  A chance to start over with new or renewed energy.  So the ending of this challenge will bring a new way of being.  I have learnt to fight off self doubts, negative thoughts and unhelpful feelings.  I have conquered the 'lazy cook' in me and enjoyed trying out new dishes to the extent of wanting to carry on. 

I have set myself another challenge of 60 recipes to try and of 20 sit ups a day to tone my tummy muscles.  So whilst the 60 day challenge is ending a new beginning is emerging, slowly like a butterfly from it cocoon.


What will I write about after the 60 day challenge?  I don't know yet, just like each day I haven't known until I have put pen to paper.  I have been amazed at what emerges - how the pen glides across the paper, words just flowing into sentences creating a page of relevant jottings.  So I will trust that my writing will just happen, whether I blog it, journal it or pull out that novel waiting for its ending.  A new year is coming..... so watch this space!

TAKE THREE GIRLS

Three young ladies have come to my attention that are inspirational, I believe, to their generation.

• One young lady who was sad to find that in order to get a wedding dress in her size was nearly impossible.  Through that experience she now has a business providing ANY size dress so that girls can wear a wedding gown to be proud of on their special day.
• Another girl, reported on in our local newspaper, is eager to promote plus-size people to be proud of their bodies.  She is a finalist in Miss Plus-Size International.  This came after a journey of being bullied at school and crash diets.  She rejected the thought that she should look like celebrities and accepted the body she has.  Good Luck you beautiful girl.
• The third had a gastric band fitted to lose weight but it didn't work for her as she was unable to keep certain foods down and was still able to eat unhealthy choices.  When she had to have an emergency operation to remove the band it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  It was at that point she was determined to find out what was hindering her weight loss and she was found to have polycystic ovary syndrome which includes hormone imbalances, thyroid problems and insulin resistance (this can be hereditary).  Being aware of the cause has made it easier for her to work WITH her body rather than against it.  She is part of a group and sings with confidence which also plays a part in her body and self confidence.

These real life stories are surely a blessing and motivational to others struggling with being disappointed in 'diets', 'stigmas' and prejudices.  Going against the grain of society's expectations is brave and lovely.  It is turning everything upside down, doing life a different way and making themselves happier.  Well done girls.

FOOD VALUES

Two snippets from a newspaper and magazine have been on my mind.  They state food values in terms of exercise.  A good idea I think.  In an earlier blog I praised the Wetherspoon chain for their menu showing a wide variety of dishes under 500 calories.  I notice the Costa chain do this too although its a little more difficult to make a good choice whilst standing in the queue waiting to be served rather than sitting at the table with a printed menu to take time to choose wisely.

The first snippet from the Daily Mail asks "Would you still drink that bottle of Coca-Cola if you knew it would take a 4 mile run to burn off the calories?"  A science reporter wrote the article so you would hope he has done the research and appropriate tests first.  It seems a bit extreme but he goes on to say that a 500ml bottle of Coke contains 210 calories and would take 4.2 miles to run off or 42 minutes of walking.  I found this information staggering and shocking.  For someone who is not able to run, let alone run 4 miles, walking for 42 minutes to lose the calories of one drink WOULD put me off drinking it.

I don't eat double cheeseburgers but according to this reporter it would take a 5.6 mile hike to burn off.  So for one quick snack meal, or after school treat of a drink and a burger, in order for it NOT to make you heavier and you would need to do a 10 mile walk!  No-one is likely to do that surely.  Putting this information on packaging, like they give warnings on cigarettes, may make a difference to our choices.

The second snippet just listed 5 items and their 'walk off' value.

• One M&S jam doughnut (190 calories) 2.4 miles
• Starbucks classic hot chocolate (whole milk) (193 calories) 2.4 miles
• 30g cornflakes with 125 ml semi-skimmed milk (171 calories) 2.1 miles
• 3 Quality Street chocolates (133 calories) 1.7 miles
• 30g cheddar cheese (117 calories) 1.5 miles

Of course this is over and above our recommended daily calorie allowance but it made interesting reading and makes you think about our indulgences in a new light.  I would be afraid it could have the opposite affect to that which it is probably intended.  Media focus on obesity and neglect to report on young girls who aspire to be thin like models and popstars who fall then fall foul to anorexia.

The saying 'all things in moderation' kicks into my brain, and, 'it's all about 'balancing' your diet'.  A cheeseburger once a week or less often is ok, whereas a cheeseburger every day is not.  A 500ml bottle of fizzy pop equals two generous glasses in amount but is classed as one drink.  Do we really need two glasses at a time?  A doughnut is fine as a treat but two or three treats a day or a week becomes excessive. 

We know these facts but it is all out there, ready, available and affordable.  If only we could ignore them like we ignore our common sense or the calorific values.  It IS hard to walk by Greggs the Bakers without drooling over the cakes, or passing the old fashioned sweet shop and not buy a bag or two of old favourite.  It is hard not to open and eat all the chocolates in the box you had for Christmas, your birthday or Easter.  It is hard to be self disciplined and ration your intake.  But it is NOT impossible.  It is said that it only takes 21 days to form a new habit.  I am nearing 60 days so hopefully I have broken the cycle of old eating habits and with this new learning I will have 'balance' and 'moderation' in my diet as well as in my daily activities.

BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT

So says the advertisement for hair products.  On a scale of one to ten, one being low and ten being high, how do you rate your self worth?

Low self esteem is another big factor in our feeding habits.  Someone who suffers with anorexia, bulimia or overeating usually have a distorted mindset about their value to, or affect on, others.  False beliefs rule their head and they self abuse their bodies with different ways regarding the intake of food.  The self harming starts off as a controlling method to cope with whatever in the world troubles them.  Instead of facing the problem it is masked/hidden/pushed down/got rid of by secretly eating, not eating or purging the body.  The control soon becomes a habit, the habit, an addiction.  Once addicted control is lost.  This cycle needs professional help to be broken.

Valuing your life and the body that carries your being is vital to well being.  If you scored lower than five on the self worth scale there is a danger you will self harm in any of the quick fix methods that are out there, accessible and acceptable to you.  Alternatively you can learn to like or love yourself just a little bit more in order to maintain 'good enough' self esteem.  "How do I do that?" I have been asked in my work.  Here are a few suggestions :

1. Read books, blogs or research the Internet sites on Self Esteem
2. Have some 'me' time to care for yourself
3. Reward yourself with a real treat from time to time (not food)
4. Use 'Affirmations' to give your head new scripts
5. Get out more, socialise, join groups, interact with your peers
6. Find a new interest/take up a new hobby
7. Volunteer to help others
8. Set yourself a challenge, train for it, do it.
9. Enrol at night school, learn new things, be proud of you achievement
10. Make peace with your soul
11. Meditate
12. Exercise - raise those 'happy' endorphins.
13. Fight off negative/unhelpful thoughts and feelings
14. Believe in yourself - YOU CAN DO THIS.

Even if you do not feel loved or valued - YOU ARE.  People you know - your neighbour, your friend, your work colleague, a cousin or other relative will not tell you 'I love you' or 'I value you' but their life would be so less rich without you in it.  They love how you smile each day and say 'hello' at the garden gate, they love how you work hard without complaint, they love your hair, your choice in clothes, the way you manage your life.  These silent loves enrich and inspire them to get through their 'stuff'.  We never know our value to others, perhaps that is why we don't value ourselves too well.  YOU ARE WORTH IT.  YOU ARE VALUED.

If you don't like or love yourself it makes it harder for others to get close to you, to show you you are valued by being your friend, companion, soul mate etc.  Yes people do hurt us, let us down, tell lies, pick us up and put us down, get ill and die leaving us bereft.  It is part of our human condition but they also nourish us in a way food cannot.  Think of ways this is so.  Be around those who encourage or inspire you, not those who drain you of energy.  Build your self esteem to be above the score of five.  As Len from 'Strictly Come Dancing' says - 'SEVEN' is a good score to aim for.

EMOTIONS AND EATING

"Do you eat in response to hunger or feelings?" asks the magazine headline.  Managing our emotions is tricky to say the least and if they trigger our need to eat, or not eat, we are in trouble.  Life is full of hurts, disappointments, unfulfilled hopes, fears, joys, boring times, tragic times and, no matter what the sort of day we have, we need to eat to fuel our fire/keep us going.

Planning ahead has become a new regime for me on this 60 day challenge.  If I slip and do not plan, I eat whatever is available and make less healthy choices.  That is ok occasionally but I need to keep bringing myself back to what I know is best for me.  It is that act of 'getting back on track' that is an act of self-discipline.  I am not hard on myself for having slipped off the rails but notice where I am at emotionally and feed accordingly.  For example, when ill the desire for food vanishes.  Then slowly as I begin to feel better I need something warm and comforting - chicken soup or tinned rice pudding does it for me.  Perhaps one slice of toast gets the body back to the rhythm of eating/nourishing.  A warm cup of drinking chocolate and a plain biscuit is another 'tester' to see if the body is ready to cope again with food after the illness.  Then it is time to return to routine and think ahead "what will I have today/this week?"

Emotions happen every day but if we have a plan and know what we are going to eat, have the foods in stock and make time to enjoy the preparation and eating we can actually override negative feelings and, in that case, make ourselves feel a little better in doing so.

The store cupboard may be our own friend or enemy.  Do you keep a stash of chocolate, crisps, biscuits, cakes, pizzas and ready meals or do you have plenty of tins of your favourite soup, rice pudding, tins of fruit, fresh fruit, crackers, rice cakes etc.  If you don't stock things that are your weakness then when low ebbs come you can't easily access them and you will ride the negative emotion out with other foods or other comforters.

So managing our food cupboards may be easier than trying to manage our emotions.  Who or what is in control of your food journey?  Is your eating dis - ordered/chaotic?  Introducing ORDER - a plan, new routine/regime, new habits and a new relationship with food will bring about the change you desire.  If we do anything long enough, keep going when its tough, it becomes a new way of being.

Self Discipline

How is yours?

• Here's an exercise - draw a circle, draw a line down the middle, then across the middle so it is in quarters, continue to divide into smaller wedges.  End picture looks like a wheel with lots of spokes.  Now colour in portions for the time you sleep, work, rest, play, food prep. shopping etc.
• Note - play = cooking, crafts, gardening, walking, swimming, cycling etc.

From your coloured in graph you will see how your day is divided up and how much time you spend on any one activity.  Is there an area you need to work on, to be more self-disciplined about?

Health and well being is not just about food nourishment, it includes our mental, physical and spiritual aspects of life too.  Are you an over thinker, a worrier?  Do you sleep well, take exercise, moderate your alcohol consumption and food indulgences?  Do you allow time to 'stand and stare' or 'sit and watch' or do nothing in particular?  Has your life become routine, boring, predictable?  Do you need to do something new or different?  How much do you value yourself?

These are some of the questions we can all ask ourselves from time to time, a sort of self development step every two or three months.  Take 10 minutes now and try it.  You may be surprised what you find.

 

Tipping the Scales

Tipping the Scales - I don't really know what that phrase means - too heavy, out of kilter (whatever kilter is), off balance?  Yes that's it - I'm off balance.  My life suddenly became too heavy with commitments - 'doing things' and 'no time for rest'. 

It happens from time to time - life goes on a day, a week, a month at a time.  I fill my days with work and play but rest gets left out and then wham, something happens to stop me and make me take a look at what I'm doing, make readjustments and go on in a new way.

The 'wham' day was yesterday.  I was out with two friends in the autumn sunshine enjoying the colours and beauty of the season.  We walked through the park then had coffee shop chat.  What could be more perfect?

Then on the journey home I suddenly became frighteningly unwell.  An awful few hours followed but my friends became angels with skin on by taking control of a bad situation.  Today the vomiting has ceased.  I slept like a log and the sun is still shining.  But I feel different.  I am off a treadmill.  Self-assessment takes place - am I obsessing about dieting?; am I overstretching myself with seeing people, going places, doing things?  Am I caring for others and neglecting myself?  When did I last read a book or do some knitting?  Yes, I have tipped the scales.  My life is off balance.  I am trying to cram it all in whilst I can but that is overload and my body has rejected it. 

So I have cancelled the rest of the week's commitments and am have a pyjama day.  Oh bliss.  Peace, quiet, rest.  Lovely.  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

BREAKING THE CYCLE

Cycle 1 - You eat unhealthy choices, you feel guilty/annoyed/self loathing, you eat more for comfort.

Cycle 2 - You diet, you crave chocolate or cake, you give in, you end the diet, you feel a failure.  You start again another week, another Monday.

Cycle 3 - You diet again, you have an unpleasant day, your feelings are taking over, you push your feelings down with a binge, cycle 1 kicks in.

Write your cycle down.  Look at it.  Ask yourself 'how could I break this cycle of self destructive behaviour?'

Acknowledging your cycle is the first step.  Being aware of how you function, rather than allowing yourself to function on 'automatic' can help you break the cycle.  Each of the above samples have seperate stages to the cycle which you can stop at any point or you can do something different.  Remember the saying : 'if you do what you always did, you get what you always got'.

Changing just one element of your cycle will change your actions and eventually your mindset.  By trying different ways of coping with an unpleasant day you will find that food is NOT the only answer, it is NOT the only way to self-soothe.  (see Treats and Comforters Blog for ideas)

Fear is the No. 1 feeling that everyone hates.  It is alarming, it is paralising, it is scary and uncomfortable.  It can make us act crazily.  Fear is a feeling, it is NOT always a reality.  For example, "I'm afraid of thunder and lightening because I think I'm going to be struck dead".  Break that sentence down and you have multiple fears/unhelpful thoughts - "I don't like the bangs/noise/flashes/cracking sound because I think something terrible is going to happen.  I'm afraid of dying". 

Thoughts and feelings can be deceptive.  It is not always true that something terrible is going to happen or that you are going to die in a thunderstorm.  How many thunderstorms have you lived through as proof.  So taming the tiger in our head can help break any cycle and acting opposite or differently to your learnt pattern of behaviour is another way.

Take cycle 2 above.  When the cravings comes there are options/choices:
1.  Give into the cravings and then continue with the diet plan.
2.  Have something else instead, the craving may go away.
3.  Allow yourself a smaller portion of cake or chocolate without feeling a failure - just add the calories/points/syns to your total for the day (it will still be less than if you had had a full blown binge).
4.  Give up dieting, feel a failure/unhappy and do what you always do.
5.  Deny yourself the craved food, stick with the craving feeling until it passes.
6.  Drink water, tea, coffee, hot chocolate.
7.  Go for a walk, read a book, focus on a hobby.
8.  The list of distracting thoughts/feelings/tactics can be endless - find something that is right for you and BE PROUD of mastering this ONE TIGER.

This could be you.
Are you a pussy cat or a lion?
Is the cat in you afraid of the lion within, is the lion real or your perception of a problem?
You may think you are a cat but really you are a lion.
YOU CAN DO THIS.
 You CAN change your thoughts, change your actions.

BLOCKAGES

Blockages to self development progress happens to the best of us.  Through my work I have been alongside people who find themselves in a vicious circle, unable to find a way out.  Here are a few blockages you may recognise/identify with.  The good news is these CAN be overcome.  There is a PROCESS - a mental, physical and psychological journey to make.  It may be difficult but is NOT impossible.  With the right help and a change of mindset - all of these blockages CAN be knocked down - like a brick wall.  If not knocked down then finding another way ie. over it, around it, may be the answer.  When we see a road closure sign there is usually a diversion sign also, showing us another route.  Keeping on the same route produces the same results and a lifetime of repeating that route has proved NOT to work.  Finding another brain route regarding food is a road to freedom.

• FEAR - of failing; of succeeding; of change; of image; of taking risks; of being hungry; of responsibility; of control......
• LOW SELF ESTEEM - caused by put downs, lack of praise and encouragement; bullying, abuse....
• LOW SELF CONFIDENCE/SELF WORTH - as above plus unable to give yourself praise, value, kindness, gentleness.
• Living in isolation - not sharing the problem with anyone, keeping it secret, trying to deal with it alone, not accepting help.  Few or little interests outside of the home, limited interaction with individuals or groups
• Unhelpful beliefs - this bar of chocolate will make me feel better, I am a failure/stupid/rubbish. 
• Using 'food fixers' to deny or relieve - escaping pain, masking problems, burying anger, hiding fear; filling emptiness......

STOP.  STOP escaping, masking, burying, hiding, filling.  STOP because they don't go away or get better without you facing them, acknowledging them, tackling them, and doing them a different way.  Break that cycle today or the next time you find yourself in it.  Try it, test it out, tell me if I am wrong.  Comments below.

Having a Paddy....

It's not fair!  It is simply just NOT fair!  Why do some people diet and achieve their goal, whilst others find it so damn difficult?  What would it be like if I actually loved food that it became an obsession, a habit, an addiction that I just couldn't break, a comforter in a comfortless world?  I don't know do I?  Because I am not that person.  I can sympathise, empathasise to a degree but it is just not in my life's experience so I can only watch, listen, imagine what it is like. 

I have been known to cry with and for people in this situation.  I have had sleepless nights wondering how I can help, how I can stop their pain, their torment and struggle.  I can't.  I can only accept them as they don't accept themselves or, as they expect others not to.  I can love them like they have not experienced before - unconditionally.  I can encourage them, support them, praise them, be their friend but at the end of the day they will persevere, give up or continue to yo-yo diet.  They will loose weight and regain it.  When tough times come they will eat in excess and not just that they will make irrational choices.  They will then eat some more to punish themselves, then they will be mad and sad and eat some more.

I do understand this vicious cycle.  I do wish I could take it away and dump it in the river but it's not mine to do that with.  Each of us have our own food journey, there is only one person who can change this cycle for another one.

Slimming groups, diets, healthy eating plans just don't cut mustard for someone who has had a life time of them.  Cook books, self help books, counselling - they have tried it all.  It is just NOT fair that they want something that seems beyond their reach.  Medical research is not coming up with answers either.

Obesity is the 'in' word but its meaning is the same as other words that describe someone who is not lean.  They are labels with negative vibes attached.  We try to accept the way we are built and some are happy to be curvaceous, stocky, well built, size zero, or have a childlike figure. 

It's not fair that we are not a uniform acceptable to all size and shape but then life isn't fair is it?  Not at all.  Starving on one side of the world and living in luxury on the other.  War and Peace, Poverty and Plenty, Rich and Poor, Domestic Abuse and born with a silver spoon, Loved and Hated, Big families, small families, good relations, bad relations.  It is unfair when people are murdered, robbed, have their homes, jobs or families taken from them. It is is unfair that good people die young, that cancer, heart disease, diabetes, autism etc is randomly affecting lives and loved ones.  Whatever our situation of life, their is always someone better off and someone worse off than ourselves.

Ok Paddy over.  I just needed to RANT.  I will now face the day with a more positive outlook.  I have put things in perspective and can bring back the part of me that is an eternal optimist.  I will journey on with my own joys and troubles sharing them with good friends who understand the 'human condition' and making the most of what I have and who I am, ever hopeful of inspiring others as others have inspired me.  (The radio is playing a song called 'Lucky to be me' - how appropriate.  We can all say that if we take a moment to count our blessings).

"IT'S NOT POSSIBLE, MABEL"

So says one of the two ladies in the Aunt Bessie range of food advertisements on the television.  Those words have been echoing in my head for days.  "It's not possible" to stick 100% to a diet for 60 days.  If I accept that fact then I allow myself some grace when 'bad' food choice days happen.  As I have mentioned before I conclude that a diet is an AID to healthy eating, it is not a Gospel.

I am not advocating that you have a Mars bar for breakfast, then go on to have everything else you crave without restraint.  However, if a Mars bar is what you crave for and have it, and then STOP, you can re-start the diet from that moment onwards.  Count the syns/points/calories and you will only be a few over your daily allowance rather than blowing it all and heaping loads more calories to your total. 

I was quite surprised that having had 2.5 days 'off' the diet plan I craved something 'sensible'.  I ate some sugar snap peas raw as if I was starving.  Then I ate a big plate of fresh fruit, cut up into bite size pieces.  I really enjoyed them.  The 'diet' has aided me to make better choices and, miracles of miracles, to cook healthy dinners even when I am feeling rough!

I have a sore throat, a cold in the making.  I feel all in but still I stood and made the SW Diet Cola Chicken recipe that was so successful last week.  I really enjoyed eating it too.

The old addage - "if at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again" would be a good mantra for dieters who feel a failure for eating too many biscuits, or reaching for the bag of crisps between meals.  Don't heap shame on yourself but keep going with the diet until it has you hooked.  Do the head work - tell the NATs (negative automatic thoughts) to "sod off"; tell the lies - "you're a failure, no good, hopeless" to "go jump".  Tell the tempter to "sling his hook".  YOU CAN DO THIS, if you just keep going.  If you don't believe this I suggest you go and watch a marathon or 10K race in a town near you.  Watch them start off well, watch them whince with pain and walk a while; watch them huff and puff and grimace.  Watch them get emotional as they see the end in sight and the elation on completing their goal.  These people are a true inspiration.

Treats and Comforters

I thought I would make a list of alternative treats and comforters.  As adults, we tend to look for the easy option when in need of either and often use food or alcohol to fulfil that need.

For me the below are TREATS :

• A bunch of flowers
• A walk in the park/by the sea/in the countryside
• Cinema or theatre visit
• Coffee with a friend
• Having a massage
• Getting a manicure
• Buying a scratch card/lottery ticket (be careful this doesn't become a habit)
• A foot soak
• A swim
• A face mask
• Sitting in the garden
• Time to read a book

And for COMFORT :

• A hot water bottle
• A cuddly blanket
• Stoking a cat, dog or large soft teddy
• A hot bubble bath
• Engaging in a hobby
• Writing - letter to friend, journal, blog
• Lighting a scented candle
• Yoga/Thai chi
• Attending a church service

I am sure you can think of others - please add to the list in the comment box below.

Self-soothing is a forgotten activity for adults, children engage in this practise more easily - sucking a thumb or pacifier, cuddling a blanket or toy, staring at a mobile or loosing themselves in imaginative play.

Adults tend to replace the thumb/pacifier with cigarettes, alcohol, food or chewing gum.  Perhaps joining a choir and singing would be a soother for our mouth?  Or perhaps we just need to modify what foods we choose to pacify us.  Here are a few suggestions :

Change

• Ordinary chocolate to dark chocolate, a cup of hot drinking chocolate, Alpro Soya Chocolate drink, or chocolate whipped dessert.
• Bread to Crackers - (there are a large variety available)
• Take Aways and Ready meals to home cooked foods
• Large plate to medium sized plate
• Puddings to yogurt and/or fresh fruit
• Snacks to nuts, dried fruits, drinking water or juices
• Biscuits/Cakes to breakfast bars

Again you can probably think of others that work for you.  Do share your ideas below.

A Whole New World

Like all new pursuits there is new language to learn.  Computer enthusiasts talk about gigabytes and pixels; knitters know what a slip stitch or cable is; card crafters know what scoring, punching and stamping are; fishermen talk about feeders, poles etc.  If you do something well you learn new words or words that mean something different in that pursuit other than the meaning you are used to.

Cooking is no different.  I have had to research terms used in recipes or methods in order to buy the right ingredient or follow instructions I do not understand.  For example - Buttermilk - is that a solid like butter or a liquid like milk?  I scoured the supermarket shelves but could not find any.  I asked the assistant, she hadn't got a clue either.  In the end I found it in a supermarket I don't visit very often and now know it is found in the section where the cream is.

And what the dickens is 'Bouillion'?  Out comes the dictionary or speaking to 'Google'.  Oh, its a fish stock - why doesn't the recipe just say that?  Vecon was another ingredient I had never heard of but I now know it is a concentrated vegetable stock paste.  Linguine, I have learnt, is a pasta and Passata is a tomato, garlic and herb puree.

I am eating things too that pre-diet I wouldn't have.  Red, green and yellow peppers - I had never seen the point of them other than they are nice colours.  They are ingredients in the SW Extra Easy Diet Cola recipe.  Yes, you read that right - Diet Cola forms part of the 'stock', I guess it adds sweetness.  I would never have dreamed of using fizzy pop in a dinner recipe.  How creative!

So a whole new world of words, tastes and trying 'new to me' foods is opening up.  I recently made 'Soda bread' (using the buttermilk) which contains no yeast.  It was very nice, easy and quick to make and was lovely with homemade soup.

It is a bit like being in a sweet shop as a child, spoilt for choice and wanting to taste them all.  I have printed off over 20 SW recipes so I have a 'stock' of meals ready for trying out.

Another Challenge

60 Meals

I can see that setting myself a challenge works for me.  I stick at it.  It gives me a focus and a goal.  Earlier this year I challenged myself to have a craft stall at a nearby village Open Gardens event.  I enjoyed the preparation period, the actual event and the whole experience.  This challenge came on the back of making lots of decorations for my daughter's wedding - favour boxes, place names, table plan etc.  If someone had said I would do that a decade ago, I wouldn't have believed it possible of myself.  Doing the wedding crafts gave me confidence in my own ability and so I enrolled to have a stall to see if I could sell some of my creations.



Lullington Open Gardens 2014

I worked hard and achieved the goal, the date came and went.  I broke even money-wise and was happy with that.  Some would say that wasn't a success but for me it was a great confidence builder that could not match a monitory profit.  I have a stall booked for mid-December so that will be interesting too.

I have enjoyed this 60 day challenge with all its ups and downs, but in particular the days I cook good wholesome healthy meals I gain confidence in my own ability and want to do more.  So perhaps my mindset about cooking is changing and I need to keep going.  My next challenge will be to cook 60 difference meals.  I wont set a time limit but will chart my progress.  Creating new dishes will build my 'new habit' muscles, it will keep me doing weekly food shopping and help me maintain any weight loss from this challenge.  I will have broken the cycle of laziness of just grabbing a pizza or fishcakes and oven chips like I did before.

Autumn and winter are now showing their chill so hotpots and warm nourishing dishes will be needed.  Christmas must be every dieters nightmare and I intend to write a '60 days on' blog which will incorporate the festive season with its food trials and joys.

I feel I have a long way to go before being a regular healthy cook as a natural part of who I am.  Denying myself bread, biscuits, cake, chocolate and crisps is easy, but shaking off the 'lazy cook syndrome' is a harder egg to crack!

Amazing Friends

What amazing friends I have.  They all seem to be dealing with 'tough stuff' at the moment.  If they are not, they are supporting others who are; in fact one or two of them do have their own health issues but still are supporting others worse than themselves.

I was privileged to join 'Team Kiran' recently.  I saw how important it is, not just pushing ourselves to achieve or get through our own life's difficulties, but to have loving, happy, fun support also.  Kiran achieved his goal - he endured running 26 miles and was able to bask in the glory of his loving family and their friends afterwards.  He has his own life difficulties and now to add to them his lovely dad has early Dementia.  His mother and sister showed endless love, laughter and patience.  It brought tears of admiration and inspiration to my eyes.

Hundreds of runners ran, all with their own tales to tell as to 'why' they chose to do this hard slog race.  Tee-shirts proudly represented charities they supported - Macmillan, Help the Heroes, British Heart Foundation, Breast Cancer, Cancer Research etc etc.  Thousands of pounds will have been raised for many organisations and without this - research, care and support for sufferers would not be available.  Many more would die, fall into deep depression or give up hope of health and well being.

We are all running a race towards an end, that is the only one certainty of life.  Enjoying the journey is key to our happiness; knowing our life matters to those around us and doing our best to endure the race as best we can serves us with purpose, hope and treasured moments and memories.

Support and cheering people on is as important as the race of life itself.  Well done Kiran.  Well done my friends.  Keep going my amazing friends - caring for others as well as yourselves.  Even when there is a cold wind at your back nagging you to give in, draw strength from those around you.  You are amazing.  You are stars.  You are angels with skin on.

Go Kiran

Keep Going Kiran

Nearly there, Well Done

Mediteranean Reader, Writers and Runner

When friends meet up after several years passing and yet it seems like only yesterday, it is such a comfort, such a joy.  Catch up conversation buzzes and soon you are back to where you left off, ready to continue with the evening and the morrow.

Joyce and Gemma headed up 'Read Mediteranean' in Cyprus, teaching all ages and nationalities how to read English, when I first met them back in 2002.  We formed a Writer's group and enjoyed sharing our work each week.  Since then Kiran has become a Runner and the family are in the UK to attend the Bournemouth Marathon 2014.  We are all going to cheer him on today.

For three glorious years I lived in Cyprus in a small Paphos village called Lasa.  It was a late mid-life break, an oasis of sunshine in the chaos and busyness of my life that far.  The ex-pat community were lovely people - we had all left the UK.  There were times when we missed our family and friends 'back home' but we were happy in our new surroundings and so bonded together with that commonality.

One by one all in our circle of friends repatriated - just this week another friend has come back to the UK.  Joyce, Sam and family are also in the process of selling their Cyprus home and looking to come back to Blighty.

I remember when we first returned, not being able to get car insurance.  No company wanted our business because we had been out of the UK, even though before we left we had had the same car insurers for more than 20 years and clean driving licenses.  It felt like we didn't belong in our own country.  However, we are very settled again now and Cypriot life is a distant memory, a holiday destination, a home from home place we do not visit often enough.  It has become the place on the news where planes leave for war against extreme Islamic practises.  It is the little island in the Mediterranean seas that is between Libya and Greece.  It has its own troubles of division between the North and South regions of Cyprus but manages to maintain peace for the sake of its inhabitants and holidaymakers.

So if anyone wants to buy a property with a pool I can recommend our friends home, looked after with loving care and an ideal family retreat.

Kala Mara, my friends (Good morning).

Paphos Harbour

 

Upbeat

In the morning the scales smiled at me

I was lighter than ever before

What joy there was in the moment

I couldn't have asked for more.

 

 

The diet it must be working

though I can't notice a thing

No loose skirts or trousers

No change to the old bat wing.

 

 

In the evening came another thrill

A menu with 16 low calorie choices

Yipee, tarrarra, dee da da da

In my head sang the voices.

 

 

So I'm upbeat today and I am away

from home and in a hotel

meeting up with friends from Cyprus

Seeing the beach and sea as well.

 

 



Mind the Gap

It has occurred to me that whenever there is a loss or unfulfilled longing in my life I fill the gap 'doing things'.  It helps ease the pain.  Yet those who know me would say that I was a human 'being' not a human 'doing' as I project calm, peace, caring and love.  Helping others often helps ourselves too, but just sometimes you have to put yourself first.  How can you truly care for others if you are not caring for yourself?

Many years ago when I was told I probably would not have any more children I stopped doing the one thing I loved most - looking after children as a childminder.  I returned to work in an office.  The gap was filled, there was a new focus in my life; life changed.  I was still me but the loss of hope for another child of my own faded once I stopped filling the gap with other people's children and had a new focus.  Thirty years have passed and there were times when I yearned to be a mother again and it can never really be extinguished but new opportunities arise at various stages of our lives. 

I have reached the age where most of my friends are grandmothers so am offering myself as a volunteer with Homestart who visit and support young mums with children under five years of age.  What would life be like without this challenge and without my self-preservation act of reaching outwards rather than self-pitying (and therefore damaging) myself?  Is this the type of gap that others fill with food or drink - stuffing it down/drowning it out, in hope that the yearning/longing/loss will go away?  It doesn't go away.  We have to learn to live with the gaps in our lives.

Nobody teaches us how to deal with life's blows, but we have to find our own way to live without love and life as we would want it.  We have to learn to live with stuff that has or has not happened to or for us.  We have to live with not having enough.  How we fill this gap is a definite choice - do we eat, drink, take drugs, become a shopaholic or gamble?  Or do we project it outwards and help others and thereby help ourselves?

Try not running away from the gap, turn to face it head on.  Yes it's a loss in my life but I refuse to let it ruin my life.  Homestart may not work for me, it might break my heart but on the other hand it could give me and those I meet so much joy.

Take a risk and evaluate the situation then.  Remember, "if you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got".  Think deep and Mind the Gap.

Half Way Review

It has, for sure, been a challenge.  I am only just getting to grips with it all - eating 'properly/sensibly/healthily', thinking better thoughts, exercising and writing a blog daily.  A lot to fit into your days/weeks.  But I now feel it's worth it - I am worth it (as the advert says). 

Life happens regardless of what we eat.  There have been highs and lows of emotions - but they happen regardless of dieting, writing, exercising.  So I can't blame 'food' as a reason for mood swings.

Unsure beginnings of this challenge to diet reminds me of learning to swim, riding a bike, learning to knit, craft and crochet.  I have heard myself say 'I can't do it' so many times during my 60 years that I really must erradicate this statement from my brain.  I know where it comes from.  Besides failing my 11+ exam, when I was at senior school in the third year, my commerce teacher told me I wouldn't get a CSE certificate - I wasn't good enough.  I didn't like the subject or the teacher but hearing that from him I set out to prove him wrong.  I revised hard and passed with a grade 4.  Not brilliant but a 'pass' nevertheless.  I have been proving to myself ever since that 'I can do it' and 'I am good enough' but shifting that unhelpful lump of fat/lie from my brain has taken until this diet to remove. 

I hereby vow to myself to 'bin' those unhelpful and annoying phrases like I binned the 'bad' foods at the start of this challenge.

I now feel in control of what and when I eat whereas pre-challenge eating just happened when and how it did.  I feel lighter in my head more so then in my body - which is weird because there is actually more to think about.  Writing this daily blog has been 'therapy on the go' and regardless of whether it benefits others, it is being very helpful to me.  Getting stuff out of my head onto paper or the computer, frees up space for other thoughts. 

I have more energy too - I want to exercise - walk into town, do the garden, do sit ups.  A weird transformation of mind has happened but there is still a nagging negative voice saying 'ahhh but will you keep it up?'  It's a daft question really because did I keep up riding a bike, crocheting, dressmaking?  No, but I CAN DO IT if I choose to.  Every day is a choice of a hundred things - what to wear, eat, do with the time etc.  Somethings we do automatically without thought.  I would like healthy lifestyle choices to become automatic but I guess that may take longer than 60 days, now that 30 have already gone.

I no longer experience hunger as I did at the beginning which is good.  At least when I get the first pang I know what to eat - usually a breakfast bar, two rice cakes with spread on, a piece of fruit or munch on a carrot or pick at sugar snap peas.  Long gone are the days when I would have a Kit-Kat, Bounty bar or Flake in the office drawer which was a daily habit for elevenses.

Having picked and frozen the blackberries they are, as yet, untouched.  I plan to do a SW breakfast with them - yoghurt, oats and berries in the fridge overnight, to hand to eat in the morning, but can't get to grips in my head to eat oats cold.  I like porrige oats hot!  But I will try to overcome this hurdle of brain power one day soon!

So to score myself out of 10, I think I am a 6 or 7.  I had a booster last night as I cooked SW Diet Cola chicken for the family.  The ALL enjoyed it and complimented me.  I will definately be making it again.  Now I must get on with the next 30 days of the challenge and enjoy it.

Distasterous day

My beloved had requested I bake a Victoria Sponge cake for him to take to work for a fundraising coffee morning.  No problem says I, confident I could do this task without too much bother.  How wrong I was!

The first attempt sank in the middle and almost burnt.  I think I added a little too much milk.  The second attempt, seven eggs later, didn't rise as it usually does but I was not about to make a third.  When it cooled I lathered it with buttercream and reached for the jam.  Oh no, it had gone mouldy.  So that jar went in the bin.

Thinking I would have to go to the shop again I sighed heavily bringing my man into the kitchen to rescue me.  Out of the store cupboard came a fresh jar of Women's Institute Jam (given to me as a birthday present) and this saved the day.

I now have two sponge halves in the freezer to use for pudding in the winter with jam or treacle, or maybe at Christmas for a trifle.  (I will have to exercise my 'portion control' button in my brain then!)

To end the disasterous day we went out for a meal with friends celebrating their Wedding Anniversary.  I had to send my meal back to the chef as the Barnsely Chop was undercooked and red with blood inside, grill burnt on the outside.

The second one, like my cake, was not much better but edible.  The cake was sold in slices and enjoyed by all accounts.  The chop disappeared too.  Some days food just doesn't go right does it?

Monday Monday

Monday - a fresh start.  A new week.  Let's start again.  Out come the diet papers which glare at me and speak into my head "you're not doing it right".  So, determined to crack it, I weigh everything I eat and write it all down.  I can see now where I was going wrong (I think).

I soon rack up 12.5 syns of my 15 a day allowance and, after an afternoon gardening, I blow it by having a glass of Bacardi and Coke whilst soaking in the bath to soothe my aching back and bones.  Bliss.  Wasn't that deserved after such hard work?  May be not, I just gave way to temptation.  I could have just had Diet Coke but the words 'treat' and 'reward' buzz through my brain.

Why?!!!  Why do we use food or drink as treats/rewards?  When did that happen?  It goes back decades.  After the war and the end of rationing it must have been a 'treat' to have foods freely available again.  It was one of the rewards for winning the war - no more queueing for bread or meat.

Diets are about rationing ourselves.  Trying to go from 'enough' and 'plenty' to limiting our intake.  I remember petrol being rationed in my younger days.  I don't recall it causing us too much bother but if that were to happen today it would be tragic.  Children would have to be walked to school, bike sales would rise and public transport would not be able to cope with the increase in passengers.

Exercise was an every day natural occurrence in my growing up years as we walked without thought or complaint.  We cycled joyously and carefree - no helmets and joint pads then.  How times change - everything is handed to us on a plate now - literally.  We leave our front door and sit in our cars just to go to the local shop.  We ring for cooked food to be delivered to the house and the weekly shop is ordered on-line and brought to us by van.  Walking is reserved for holidays and high days - along the beach or on a day out in the country.

So with those thoughts I finished the gardening, walked to the postbox and back and did my sit-ups.  Surely the calories 'in' didn't outweigh the calories used up in energy and I was safe to partake of my rationed tipple?

Bring back 'rationing' I say.  A word little used these days and even less exercised.  Ration computer times, ration working hours, ration time in the sun, ration our greed and complaints.  Ration our minds to think 'less is more' - less food is more energy.  Quality not quantity.

No-one starved when ration books dictated their food stocks.  People made the most of what they could get and made meals that went further.  How on earth my mother made shepherds/cottage pie on a Monday from left over meat on a Sunday I'll never know, but she did.  I remember pushing the meat into the barrel of the mincer.  The metal contraption was screwed onto the side of the kitchen table and I turned its handle and watched the mince fall into a bowl.  How lazy we have become buying minced meat already minced!  OMG now I know I am old!