Mind the Gap

It has occurred to me that whenever there is a loss or unfulfilled longing in my life I fill the gap 'doing things'.  It helps ease the pain.  Yet those who know me would say that I was a human 'being' not a human 'doing' as I project calm, peace, caring and love.  Helping others often helps ourselves too, but just sometimes you have to put yourself first.  How can you truly care for others if you are not caring for yourself?

Many years ago when I was told I probably would not have any more children I stopped doing the one thing I loved most - looking after children as a childminder.  I returned to work in an office.  The gap was filled, there was a new focus in my life; life changed.  I was still me but the loss of hope for another child of my own faded once I stopped filling the gap with other people's children and had a new focus.  Thirty years have passed and there were times when I yearned to be a mother again and it can never really be extinguished but new opportunities arise at various stages of our lives. 

I have reached the age where most of my friends are grandmothers so am offering myself as a volunteer with Homestart who visit and support young mums with children under five years of age.  What would life be like without this challenge and without my self-preservation act of reaching outwards rather than self-pitying (and therefore damaging) myself?  Is this the type of gap that others fill with food or drink - stuffing it down/drowning it out, in hope that the yearning/longing/loss will go away?  It doesn't go away.  We have to learn to live with the gaps in our lives.

Nobody teaches us how to deal with life's blows, but we have to find our own way to live without love and life as we would want it.  We have to learn to live with stuff that has or has not happened to or for us.  We have to live with not having enough.  How we fill this gap is a definite choice - do we eat, drink, take drugs, become a shopaholic or gamble?  Or do we project it outwards and help others and thereby help ourselves?

Try not running away from the gap, turn to face it head on.  Yes it's a loss in my life but I refuse to let it ruin my life.  Homestart may not work for me, it might break my heart but on the other hand it could give me and those I meet so much joy.

Take a risk and evaluate the situation then.  Remember, "if you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got".  Think deep and Mind the Gap.