Size

There will always be people in better shape than I am - people slimmer, people better dressed, people who look younger than their years.  Why do we aspire to be like them and not accept ourselves the way we look?  Media has a huge role in this concept of what is 'normal' and promote 'healthy' foods, diets, how to dress to maximise your 'best bits' etc.

There will always be people larger than myself, bigger busted, curvy hips, rounded.  They look womanly and cuddly to me.  Some of the best people in my life are of the 'fuller figure'.  I don't see their shape, I see them.  They are lovely and special, but I know they have their struggles with self-concept.

Being lean you can usually guarantee the shops will have your size of clothing, you look taller, you look healthy and fit.  This could be an optical illusion - is your body getting enough nourishment and refreshment?  Do you get enough calcium so that if you fall without a layer of fat to protect you, your bones may be prone to breaking more easily?  If you are lean and ill you look gaunt and older, whereas if you are more ample in size this tends not to be so noticeable.

Thin people can still encounter unkind comments, bullying and ridicule.  At school I was known as 'barge pole' or 'Boneo' (the leanest dog food).  It is laughable now but at the time it was very hurtful as one girl in particular loudly chanted it, laughed at me and threatened to break my bones at the gate after school had done for the day.  I would often run home afraid she would catch me.  Terror stuck I would hand over any money I had on a weekly basis.  Looking back she was not much bigger than I was in size but she had a loud mouth - excess confidence and knew her power over me.

Another girl, actually as thin as I was but very pretty and blond, also 'teased' me - played tricks on me and had me in tears not giving back things she took of mine and hid them, things I needed and would be in trouble for not having at school.  I also suffered mocking in the school showers not being so developed as my peers.

School days can be cruel.  My experiences are bland compared to others but unfortunately these bad early experiences have a psychological affect for the rest of our lives if we let them.  We become our own bully - self-berating ourselves, using self-put down statements like "I'm stupid; I'm useless; I'm a failure; I can't get anything right".  These statements are lies.  We can all muster some times we have succeeded, been important in someone elses life, made good decisions. 

Words stick in our brains like unhealthy fat to our internal organs.  May be it is not dieting from food but cutting out unhelpful mindsets that would make us happier, healthier and more confident human beings?  Are you still carrying the weight of school day abuse?  Is it time to be rid of him or her, their voice of taunts and messages of condemnation?  A good counsellor is worth her weight in gold.  Letting go of years of torment is freeing - it gives you head space for new and exciting pathways.  Don't kid yourself you can't change - all things are possible with a bit of help from your friends, family and/or a counsellor.

Go for it.  I did and my life is so much richer.  I think I would have been a shrinking violet without it.