Failure

I don't allow this word into my vocabulary.  What is failure anyway except for the fact of never trying?

I could tell you that I failed to stick to the diet plan at the weekend but because I am going to continue ie. I have no plans to quit the challenge, I don't see that having allowed a little of my old ways to creep in that means I've failed.

I failed my 11+ exam and to make matters worse I was not the only one in my class not to pass.  I have spent most of the rest of my life proving to myself and others that I can pass exams.  I have a folder full of certificates to prove it.  I stopped collecting these self-affirming trophy's a few years back when I learnt the lesson it's not who you are on a CV that matters but how you do what you do that counts.

I didn't really want to go to grammar school as an 11 year old.  I thought it daft to have a uniform that included indoor and outdoor shoes; a boater hat for the summer months and a felt bowler in the colder months.  As a youngster I was not thinking of my education or the future but I lived in the moment and favoured a school where boys went too.

I've no regrets having done OK without a 'first class' education.  I've had good jobs, held responsible posts and earned enough to now draw a works pension.  I guess that's turning what others put on me as 'failure' into 'success'.  It wasn't the root others around me took but 'I did it my way' as old Frank Sinatra sings.

A diet plan is an aid not a gospel.  If I go off track for a day or two what does it matter?  Maybe I won't achieve my goal but I will still have trod the path of the challenge.  I will have tried and done what was right for me at the time.  After all, TODAY is all we have for sure.

I have failed to swim the channel, do a parachute jump or cook an Indian meal (I feel sure I could do the latter two) but I have no desire whatsoever to do these or many many other things that the rich tapestry of life offers us to experience.  However if I have a desire to do something I would try, stick at it and push through barriers to conquer it but I would also know my limitations and have no qualms in admitting defeat if my own mental or physical health was at risk.  There is no shame in that.  It is a strength not a weakness knowing our limits.

I have had to leave a job for my sanity; change places of worship to protect my soul; broken relationships where good life was being sucked out of me and pushed through in other relationships where I have felt able.  I am happy with my life, love who is in it and make the most of each day where and whenever possible. I AM HAPPY with my 'lot'. ☺