Talking to myself!

Or a self-counselling session (1)

"So Susan, you're lazy when it comes to food?"
"Can you call me Sue please.  Yes I am."
"Tell me about that."
"Well I can bake cakes and create biscuits, I enjoy that.  But I do that for other people.  It's meals for myself or as a couple that I struggle with."
"Why's that?"
"I don't know really.  My mom was never a very thrilling cook.  It always seemed like such a chore - what to give the family for dinner when one child didn't like peas and another didn't like fish."
"So because your mother thought it a chore, you do too?"
"I suppose it was time she couldn't give to me then.  From the moment she put on her apron, stood at the sink peeling potatoes, standing over the cooker, washing up.  It all seemed to take so long.  I must have had to sit quietly at the kitchen table with a colouring book or something.  I think I felt shut out."
"So you begrudge the time meals take."
"Exactly.  I could be doing something else."
"Like what?"
"Having fun.  Playing then, gardening, reading or seeing friends now."
"Do you enjoy food when others cook it for you?"
"Not really, not like I would like to.  I appreciate that they have cooked for me but I still feel it has robbed me of time talking to them or being out and about with them.  I enjoy going out for a meal because then no-one has to spend time cooking.  We can all chat and only have to spend a little while in choosing what to eat."
"Do you enjoy choosing?"
"No, not really.  I have a pork intollerance so I'm limited straight away and the price of things sway my decision.  I don't try new things, I stick to what I know I like."
"Why's that?"
"It would be a waste if I didn't like it and I'd still be hungry."
"Wasting food and being hungry troubles you?"
"Yes of course it does!"
"You sound cross."
"Mum was always cross if we left stuff.  It must have been hard on a low income to feed our family.  There were four of us, plus mom and dad.  We got reminded often of starving children in Africa but that only made me sadder."
"Guilty?"
"No I don't think so.  I had probably had enough or wanted to leave the table to play.  Guilt came later, when I was married and had to buy the food and later still when my husband cooks.  I feel as though to compliment him I need to empty my plate."
"Do you?"
"No, not anymore.  I can't eat as much as he does.  I just feel too uncomfortable.  Stuffed to capacity.  I have to stop then.  And more and more I am leaving stuff.  I feel guilty especially when he eats my leftovers.  He is learning to freeze it for another time but I can't do his food journey too, he has to do what feels right for him."
"Do you have different food likes and needs?"
"Yes very much so.  I like plain old fashioned foods, he likes spicy exotic foods. I like to graze, he can manage on one big meal a day.  It's difficult to find things we both like and then I have to guard my portion control by having a smaller plate than his.  I'm sure he thinks I'm faddy and fussy but I can't help it."
"So what do you hope to gain from your 60 day challenge?"
"To be able to enjoy food more.  To plan meals better and enjoy cooking them."
"What's stopping you at this point?"
"I've gone back to 'I can't do this'.  I know I can if I try."
"Tell me some of your other achievements over the years"...............................